


masterbarus interrruptus

by tprillahfiction



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: MMOM Challenge, Masterbation, Merry Month of Masterbation Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-07
Updated: 2012-05-07
Packaged: 2017-11-04 23:39:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tprillahfiction/pseuds/tprillahfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes completing one little simple act on board the starship Enterprise can be a nightmare.  Written for the MMOM challenge.  Featuring (interrupted) masterbation. Humor.<br/>McCoy/himself, Kirk/McCoy, Spock</p>
            </blockquote>





	masterbarus interrruptus

McCoy palmed the shower controls to ‘on’, this time eschewing the usual quick sonics, electing for some good old fashioned water.  Water showers were a luxury aboard ship that he didn’t get to engage in often.  Felt so damned good as soon as the heated liquid hit his back and neck.  He groaned-- he ached so much-- as he stood under the spray for a few moments, listening to the soft splatter on the while tiles surrounding him.  Letting the tension relax from his body.  He reached for the dispenser, lathered himself up with the gel. The heady scent of soap filled his nose.  He ran a hand down his chest, to his smooth belly.  He adjusted his stance, the water now hitting his cock, bathing his manhood.  The warmth of the water enveloped him, like the hands of a goddess. 

Ohhh.  Hard already.  Hadn’t jerked off in a couple weeks, maybe more like four, due to that ill fated Mutara III mission.  Too many crew members dead, just goddamned kids, too many bleeding out on his operating table during the last couple weeks to have much of any alone time.  Hadn’t even had sex since--God--had it really been a year since they’d last been to Wrigley’s?  Who cared about the fucking, mostly just wanted...to be held, be in someone’s arms again.  Would be nice, even for just a little while.  Even if it was a paid sweetheart holding him tight.

His hand traveled further south, seemingly of it’s own accord, it’s actions mimicking the soothing touch of the water.  He hefted the weight of his balls, moved to circle his throbbing sex.  He tingled under his own ministrations. Ohhh, yes, just like that. A few more moments and he’ll cum. Won’t take long.  He grew frantic, fucking his own hand, moving faster and faster and--

“ _Sickbay to Doctor McCoy_!" 

Fuck.  He released himself, darted his hand up to hover over the ‘water pause’ button.  

“McCoy here!” he snapped at the shower intercomn.

“ _Your presence is required immediately.  Medical emergency_." 

He tilted his head back in frustration, the thwarted erection already beginning to fade.  Even soaped up, dripping wet in the shower, he dropped back into doctor mode.  He turned the water on again briefly, rinsed off quickly.  “What happened?” he snapped as he slid open the door to the cubicle, searched for his towel, quickly began drying himself off.

“ _Explosion in Engineering_.”

“Christ.  How many?”

“ _Five.  M’Benga is already here working on two of them.  The three others are prepped and waiting for you, Doctor.  One patient is Chief Engineer Scott._ ”

“On my way!”  He dove into his rumpled uniform and bolted from the cabin.

*

Fifteen hours later, the red-eyed physician fell face first onto his office cot, still fully dressed.  More unconscious than asleep.  Staying put, until he felt a hand at his back, shaking him awake.  “Hmm?”

“Doctor.” The young orderly, ‘Connors’ peered down at him.  “You asked to be awakened for your shift.”

“What time is it?” he mumbled into the crook of his arm.

“06:58, sir.”

“Great,” he grumbled, finally looking up.  “You gave me exactly two minutes to freshen up, didn’t ya.  Thanks a hell of a lot, Connors!”

“Sorry, Doctor.”

“Go get me some goddamned coffee, a ‘redeye’ and maybe I’ll think about forgiving you.”

“Coming right up, Doctor.” Connors fled.

 *

Twelve hours later and he was in his cabin, peeling off his sweaty uniform, chucking it across the room to the recycler.  Time to resume that blessed hot shower.

He got in, switched the sonics over to water. Goddamn... so good, felt like the Baby Jesus himself done appeared for him in the form of overheated, steamy water.

Almost instantly, he was hardening under the stream.  His fingers reached his extending length and--

“ _Red Alert!  Red Alert!  All crew report to battle stations!  GQ 3.  General Quarters 3_!"  Mr. Chekov’s voice broke into his personal heaven.

Dammit.  He dove out of the cubicle, drying himself off.  Obviously, there was gonna be some shit going down and when shit went down, in came the multitudes of injured and dying.  Fuck.  Who was it, this time?  Klingons?  Romulans?  Orions?  Probably Klingon’s in this sector so close to the neutral zone.  “Goddamn bastards!  Let me finish a fucking shower for crying out loud!” He dived into his sleep chamber, threw on a fresh uniform and was out the door.

*   

“Doctor McCoy,” a hand shook his back as he was sprawled face first in his cot. 

“Hmph?”

“Wake up, Sir.”

“Time is it?”

“06:58.”

“Ummmellehhh," he growled.  “Connors, for the last fucking time, you fucking moron, I told you, wake me up a half hour before shift.  Not two fucking minutes beforehand.”

“Sir, I tried to wake you before,  truly I did, but you ordered me to let you sleep another half hour.  Threatened to stab me with a hypo of Muldaren Wart vaccine, if I didn’t leave you be.”

McCoy turned over and stared owlishly at whoever _fucking dared challenge him_.  It wasn’t Connors;  somebody much prettier.  “Oh...sorry, Nurse.  Thought you were somebody else.”  

Burke stood in front of him, staring oddly, folding her arms.  “I drew the short straw today.”

“Huh?  What the hell does that mean?”

“Coffee, Doctor?”  She walked away without waiting for an answer.

“A ‘redeye’!” he shouted in her wake.  He looked down at himself and noticed the pesky, extremely obvious morning wood.  Oh Jesus.  Talk about embarrassing. That’s what Burke was staring at.  And it was gonna take forever to go down.

*

Blissfully alone in the tiny medbay toilet cubicle, he popped open his trousers.  Yeah, so it was smack dab in the middle of his shift and he was supposed to be in here to take a shit, but hell, he might as well rub one out, things were blissfully quiet at the moment.  Must be desperate if he’d rather cum than shit.  He’d had enough of climbing the bulkheads, trying not to stare at Chapel's and Burke’s asses all afternoon, like a goddamned dog.  

No time to waste.  He dipped his hand in, grabbed on, so aching hard.  This wouldn’t take long at all as he called to mind Christine Chapel’s pert, shapely ass--

“ _Dr. McCoy_?" the intercomn sounded off.

“I’m busy!” he growled out.

" _Medical emergency_!" 

He yanked his hand out of his pants.  “Fine.  Be right there.  McCoy out.”  He washed his hands and banged his head against the metallic wall.

*

A hand landed on McCoy’s back, shaking him awake. 

“For the love of God, Connors,” he murmured face down into his cot.  “I’m gonna come to your quarters in the middle of night... hypo your motherfucking ass... and they won’t be able to trace the poison back to me.  Nor will they ever find your body.”

“Jesus Christ, Bones.  That’s how you talk to your staff?”

McCoy immediately rolled over onto his back.  “Shit.  Sorry.”  He grunted and rubbed his red rimmed eyes.  “What can I do you for, Jim?”

“Thought maybe your grouchy ass would like a drink.  During the lull.”

McCoy sat up.  “In the eye of the hurricane, you mean?  A drink, Captain, would be nice.”

“When’s the last time you saw your bunk in your quarters?”

“God.  Weeks.  A month, maybe.”  McCoy stumbled out of his cot, scratching the stubble on his face as the captain set the bottle of Saurian brandy down on the CMO’s desk, fetching two glasses.

Jim suddenly whistled at him, pointing.  “Would you look at that.”

“Huh?”

“I knew you were hung like a donkey but I’ve ever seen it angry before.”

Bones looked down to see what Jim was staring at and scowled at his prominent boner trapped in fabric.  Jim playfully made a grab for it and Bones pulled his hips away.  “Knock it off.”

“Look’s like you need to get laid, Bones.”

“Yeah, no shit.  We’re not even close to Wrigley’s or Risa and unless you’re offering to suck me off, I’d just drop the subject.”

Jim plopped a couple of ice cubes into both glasses, poured the brandy as McCoy slid out his chair and sat down heavily, willing his dick to soften.  “Did you just ask your captain to suck you off?” Jim asked.

The doctor blushed deep crimson.  “No.”

Jim handed McCoy a tumbler.  “Cheers.”

“Hmph.” They clinked their glasses.

“I think you did, Bones.”

“Jim, it isn’t funny.”

“Looks like you need some magic time with the ol’ right hand.”

“Stop getting the ship into trouble and maybe I can manage it.”

“Jacking off’ll make you feel better for a while.  Always does me.”

“Uh huh.”

“No time to fool around with a member of crew, not that you and I could with most of them besides senior officers and Uhura’s already taken...that’s why engaging in some healthy masturbation is always good to clear out the ol’ pipes.”

“Can we drop the subject?”

“Ok, Bones, just looking out for the morale of my crew.”

“Alright, thank you.”  

“Changing the subject, Bones.”

“Good.  Talk about something else.”

“See any good vids lately?”

“No.”

“I did.  Last night.”

Bones took a long sip of his brandy and since he was exhausted he fell right into the captain’s trap.  “Oh yeah, like what?”

“The Sports illustrated swimsuit girls.  Smoking hot.  The cover girl, Bunny Taylor, D-cup tits just begging, aching to spill out of the tiniest silver triangle bikini top.  When she ran on the beach it looked just like two puppies fighting under a blanket.   The tiniest blanket in the universe.”

McCoy slapped his hand down on his desk.  “You’re an idiot, Jim.”

“What?” Jim said, in all innocence.  “Did I say something wrong?”  

McCoy glared at the jerk who kept right on talking.  Instead of listening to the rest of Jim’s monologue about the goddamned Sports Illustrated swimsuit girls, he couldn’t help but stare at those pouty lips.  Never realized before how pretty they were.  Jim needed to put that mouth to good use, instead of the spewing forth of verbal diarrhea.  Those yammering pink lips would look even better wrapped around his cock.  God damn.  Jim’d given blow jobs before, back at the academy, not to McCoy, but he’d heard the gory details the next day of course.  Why hadn’t they ever fallen into bed together?  Would feel so good to fuck that mouth.

“Bones!” Jim tapped the table.  “Bones!”

“Huh?”

“You were off in fantasy land.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Picturing those tits?  Goddamn, Bones, they were fucking huge and perky and awesome--or were you thinking about me sucking your dick?”

“Jim, you’re a fucking asshole, you know that?”

“Whaaat?” Jim said in all innocence.  

McCoy slammed his drink down; a drop of brandy sloshing onto the desk.  “Fine.  You want me to jerk off, I will.  Right now.”

Jim’s eyes widened.  “Right here?  With me watching?”

“No.  Alone.  In my quarters.  If there is a red alert in the next ten minutes, so help me I’m coming looking for you and kicking your ass.”  McCoy got up and stormed out.

Jim picked up McCoy’s half full glass and poured the contents into his own.   Poor guy, must be desperate if he couldn’t even finish his drink first.

*

" _Dr. McCoy, please report to medbay, immediately.  Medical emergency_.“

“I fucking hate all of you!”  McCoy found himself nearly tearing up as he refastened his trousers.  “All of ya!   I just want to cum!  Fucking hell!”

*

" _Oh Leo.._."  


" _Oh baby, you're so tight, oh God...feels so good to be inside you--_ "

He felt a hand on his back, shaking him awake.  His dream stripper disappeared.  “I’m gonna slice your balls off with a dull edged scalpel and feed ‘em to you,” he threatened into his cot.

“Dr. McCoy, I am not Crewman Connors.”

“Don’t care.  Go away.”

“Doctor, it is precisely 07:00 hours.  We are scheduled in the lab to perform a necropsy and tissue analysis on the Belen Ox.”

“Okay, okay, Mr. Spock, give me a minute.”

“Certainly.” Spock stood over him with arms folded.

After a few moments, McCoy craned his neck to scowl at the Vulcan.  “What are you doing?”

“Giving you a minute.”

“I meant, go wait in the lab.  I’ll be right there, alright?”

“Need I remind you that we are now three minutes behind schedule.”

“Okay, I know.  Just let me freshen up for a moment, get some coffee.”

“Make haste, Doctor, I implore you.” Spock strode off.

McCoy rolled over onto his back, staring at his massive trouser tent.  “'Make haste, Doctor, I implore you'," he mimicked with a foul taste in his mouth.  Fucking asshole.  Damned Vulcan had the beautiful Uhura to make love to any old time he wanted to.  They probably fucked constantly, any chance they could.  The first officer seemed relaxed, not pent up, like he was. Jerk.  Probably had filthy, dirty, sweaty sex just this morning.  God...bet that was hot.  

Dammit, he was trying to make his dick go down, not fucking dribble pre-cum all over his fucking pants.

*

And of course the stupid Vulcan had to be a fucking prick tease as they worked side by side in the lab all morning.  Sticking his gloved hand into the ox’s chest cavity, like a cock sliding into a wet pussy.   Slithering into his personal space, sucking the precarious self control from the poor doctor like a pointy eared vampire.  Bending over in front of the hapless Chief Medical Officer, handing slides over with his long, graceful, delicate, beautiful fingers.  Teasing him with those damned eyebrows.  

He must be desperate if he was drooling over the pointy eared first officer and the goddamned asshole was lucky McCoy didn’t grab onto those tiniest hips known to fucking man, yank those pants down and bend that goddamned hobgoblin over that there lab table, shove his cock up that ass;  Uhura or no Uhura.  Would she mind if he fucked her sexy boyfriend?  She most likely would mind and definitely would kick his medical officer ass and castrate him.  Actually, castration might not be a bad idea.  Wasn’t using the equipment anyway.

“Doctor?”

God... look at those bow shaped lips.  That green tongue licking them and you now pretending that you just didn’t lick your lips.  Stop fucking bending over in front of me you fucking piece of shit fucking moronic hobgoblin... you’re doing that deliberately...you motherfucker.  “Yes, Mr. Spock?”

“Is something the matter?”

Yes.  Fuck...I’m so fucking horny...do you understand you goddamned bastard?  You tease... your tiny fucking ass looks like the most fuckable thing this side of the neutral zone and goddamned I could just cum all over your face...oh God...look at that huge bulge in the front...I wonder what you sound like in bed.  Do you moan, breathe heavily, gasp...oh shit... I’ve heard you groan and writhe in pain before on my medbay biobed, that’s what you sound like in the sack, isn’t it.  Oh fuck.  That was hot.  What would you do if I bent down and sucked your big Vulcan cock right now?  “No.  I’m fine.  Next slide please.”

“Remember, we have a staff meeting in ten point two three minutes.”

Goddamned that Vulcan voice...so sultry.  Bedroom.  “Of course, Mr. Spock.  I know that.  You don’t have to remind me!”

*

“Do you have a boner I can suck on?”

McCoy looked up in surprise.  “Huh?”

“I said: ‘Bones...do you have anything to add to this morning's staff meeting'?" the captain said.  All pairs of eyes in the room suddenly trained on the doctor.

“Oh, uh, yeah.  Mr. Spock and I have completed the necropsy and tissue analysis of the Belen Ox.”

“Do you like to bottom?  Or are you a top?” Mr. Sulu asked.  “Cause I sure wouldn’t mind bottoming for you, sir.”

“Huh?”

“I said: ‘Doctor, I would be interested in reading your report when you have it completed, sir.  Merely personal interest.”

“Oh, yeah okay.  That’s fine with me.”

“Doctor, I believe we should engage in a circle jerk, culminating in our cumming right here on the conference room table.”

McCoy swiveled in his chair to look.  “What’s that now?”

“Doctor, I believe the findings of the analysis proved quite fascinating.  Do you not agree?”  There was a teasing eyebrow raised back at him.  Dammit knock it off. 

McCoy scrunched up his face at the idiot then glared at the rest of the morons in the conference room.  This ship should not be called: ‘USS Enterprise’, should be motherfucking rechristened: ‘Captain Kirk’s Flying Circus’.  Cause the whole fucking crew was a gaggle of insane clowns in cahoots, intent on driving the poor chief medical officer off the fucking deep end.  He got a mental image of all of ‘em shoved into a clown car, sucking each other’s dicks.

“Dr. McCoy?  Bones!  Is there some sort of problem?  You appear to have some difficulty with your hearing.”

“I’m fine, Jim.  Just...” He let out a deflated chuckle.  “A little tired.”

“We’re all tired, Bones.  Alright, everyone, dismissed.”

The entire room got up, now avoiding eye contact with him and hurriedly made their way out.  McCoy remained firmly rooted in his chair.

Jim turned back from the door.  “Bones?  Are you cumming?”

“Huh?”

“I said,'Bones...are you coming'?"

“Yeah, Jim.  Be right there.” He shifted.  “Just need a moment to collect myself.”  He had the most gargantuan goddamned boner that needed to subside first before he could walk out into the corridor lest somebody trip over his dick or he pass out from cerebral ischemia.  He laid his head in his arms.

Jim came over to crouch down next to him.  “You’re cracking up, Bones.  Gonna have to send you to the Federation loony bin if you don’t take care of business.”

McCoy sighed.  “I can’t.”

“How hard is it to take a couple minutes and masturbate?”

“Every fucking time I try...there’s always some emergency suddenly cropping up.  I think...the Great Bird of the Galaxy doesn’t want me to cum.”

“Nonsense, Bones.”

 “Jim, it’s been like weeks now since I last had an orgasm.”

“Not even from a wet dream?”

“I keep getting woken up before I...”  Bones looked up at his best friend in dismay.  “I can’t stand it anymore.”

“Oh, God, Bones... you’re crying.”

“No, I’m not.”

Jim reached over and wiped away the tear.  “Yes, you are.”

“Don’t touch me.  I’ll explode.”

Jim smiled.  “Looks like we need to commence operation: ‘Get Bones’ Rocks Off’.”  He reached for the fastening on McCoy’s trousers.

“Jim, what are you doing?  Somebody’s gonna walk in here, or they’ll be a red alert or somebody will fall outta a Jefferies Tube and snap their femur in half or--”

“Shhhh.”  The fingers kept right on unfastening.  “In that case, I suggest you hurry up.  And cum.”  He reached into the underpants, pulled out McCoy’s dick.  “God you’re huge.”

McCoy gulped, feeling another’s touch on him.  “Am I?” His breathing increased.

As an answer, Jim took Bones’ cock into his mouth.

McCoy found himself whinnying like a horse when he felt that heat swallow him right down to the hilt.

“Mmmmm,” Jim hummed.

McCoy’s breath hitched, once, twice, then he cried out with wanton abandon as he shot a heavy overload of hot semen into the captain’s mouth.  

Jim sucked him through his panting climax, swallowed everything McCoy had to give.

As he felt Jim releasing his softening cock, McCoy couldn’t seem to stop shaking.  He collapsed over his own lap.  

Jim drew Bones into his arms, stroking his head and back.  “Ohh, Bones.  It’s okay.  Let it out.”  He held McCoy through the gut wrenching sobs.

After it finally subsided, McCoy looked up from the crook of Jim’s neck, tear tracks in his eyes.  “I think I’m going to go curl up and die of embarrassment right about now.”

“That was the fastest blowjob I’ve ever given, I have to say.”  Jim leaned over and kissed Bones.  “Didn’t even get a chance to show you some of my Kirkian magic.”

“It was plenty good, believe me.”  McCoy glanced down at Jim’s crotch.  Hard.  Probably should do his best to return the favor.  He reached for the fastening to Jim's waistband.

“Later,” Jim said.  He kissed Bones again.  “I think...we need a rematch or two or three or four.  In my quarters, tonight.  Don’t you agree?”

McCoy smiled at him.

" _Dr. McCoy!  Medical emergency_!” the intercomn screamed out.  " _Your presence is required in med-bay immediately_!”

“On my way!” McCoy yelled back.  He stood up and redid his trousers, Jim rising with him.  He yanked his uniform tunic into place and they hurried out into the corridor.  

Before parting ways, Bones winked at Jim. 

Once again the Chief Medical Officer of the Enterprise was ready to battle whatever the universe threw at him.

\-------

fin

 

 


End file.
